Aubyn de Lisle Counselling & Psychotherapy
in Market Harborough, Leicestershire

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Counselling, psychotherapy and supervision in Market Harborough, Leicestershire.

I am a psychotherapist and counsellor with a private practice in Market Harborough, Leicestershire. I am a senior therapist at the 'Mindtalk' group in Market Harborough, and also provide professional group or individual supervision to other therapists. I work with sensitivity and respect together with you, to offer help in the face of particular problems or the most prolonged and intense difficulties.


For example, I work with the following issues:

Stress and anxiety
Addiction
Problems with confidence, self-esteem
Relationships
Dealing with loss
Depression
Family and parenting difficulties
Problems at work
Eating disorders, self harm
Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress
Unresolved issues from the past, abuse
Dreams and nightmares


I provide caring and sensitive counselling and psychotherapy for a wide range of problems and blocks and use psychotherapy for growth and life's enhancement. My approach is transpersonal and integrative, including the use of EMDR when appropriate - see the FAQ page for an explanation. You can see a video of me introducing myself on YouTube.


"I know from experience that this really can work. You don't have to settle for just surviving."



I offer

  • Private short term counselling in Market Harborough, Leicestershire.

  • Longer term psychotherapy

  • EMDR

  • Professional supervision for groups and individual therapists

    If you live or work in Leicester, Northampton or near Market Harborough in Leicestershire and are interested in counselling or psychotherapy, supervision or EMDR, to discuss how I might be able to help you please contact me and I will be happy to arrange an appointment for you.




    Clients have described me as a counsellor having: “extraordinary clarity of insight”, “very grounded”, “real integrity”, “a refuge”, “helps people progress”, “reassuring”, “inspiring”, “exceptional wisdom”, “safe”, “gentle humour”, “adds an extra dimension of spirituality”



    My approach is guided by you, and depends on trust in the relationship. Sometimes therapy looks like 'just talking' - although a great deal is going on in that process, with the client doing most of the talking as they explore their thoughts and feelings about the issues they bring.

    As counsellor and psychotherapist in Market Harborough between Leicester and Northampton my practice is located in discreet cosy rooms with easy parking right in the town center.


    Below I outline two other aspects of the way I sometimes work.




  • Working through body awareness

    Increasingly, I have become convinced that an effective, gentle and profound way to access real and permanent change is through working with the way feelings and traumatic reactions become trapped in the body. Many of us go through life in the mistaken belief that the key to control how we feel is by the power of our rational mind. However our mind-body link is much more complex than this. By gently guiding the client to bring sensations to awareness as they are sharing their thoughts and feelings, and working with them positively it is possible to create release from trauma which may have unconsciously been trapped for years. How this looks is like the client simply sitting in their chair, concentrating on the sensations in their body, and sharing with, being watched and guided by the therapist. The release of previously trapped feeling is experienced as a sense of gentle expansion, of awareness of the wider room and the world outside in Market Harborough, and a shift to lightness of mood, pleasant humour and a sense of connection both inside the self, and to the therapist and others. There is a wealth of neurological research - polyvagal theory is one angle, Somatic Experiencing another - to explain and support why and how this works.



    Working with dreams and images

    Have a look at my Articles and Workshops page to read about the value of working with dreams. Their powerful images, feelings, and their freedom from the 'sense' imposed by your consious self offer a way to connect with yourself - that 'aha! awareness - that we simply can't gain by ourselves or with the aid of books. The purpose is not to impose a generalised meaning, but instead to find the meaning that is unique to the individual, through exploring by way of the dreamer's own associations. Often the deep meaning is accessed by making contact with with the essence of feeling in the dream. When a deeper level of connection with self is made, change happens.

    I regularly run a series of experiential workshops for counsellors and therapists in Market Harborough and Little Venice, Central London, on Working with Dreams.

    Endorsements: "Brilliant day, enjoyed it, left feeling uplifted, not overwhelmed. Pace of day was just right." "Really enjoyed the day and powerful learning", "Stimulating and valuable content, practical and helpful in my work", "Very useful content. Great to put into practise.

    Do enquire if you would like to know more. For counsellors and psychotherapists and those in training.




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    This month's blog: Understanding Self Destructive Relationships - Part 1 - Love Addiction


    Some of us find that we keep being attracted to those who are unavailable. This might be because the person we want lives abroad, or is married, or devoted to their career or an addiction and not their relationship with us. Even when we are aware of this repeating problem, we find we can’t break out of the pattern. We certainly don’t choose to break our hearts deliberately.

    So what is it that attracts us about the unavailable partner? We choose relationships with unavailable people because this will enable us to live the relationship obsessively in in fantasy and play out the cycle of deprivation or doubt followed by euphoria of connection and validation on those occasions when it happens.

    I nearly used the word ‘object’ instead of ‘person’ here, because whether the we know it or not the person chosen as a lover is serving a particular function for us by being unavailable. This is why this problem is linked with addiction, because the same cyclic dynamics are present.

    Though we usually do not realise it, being involved with an unavailable person keeps us in the hopeful but unconscious position of trying to repair the root hurts of much earlier experience. The way we relate to others is learnt when we are children and subject to the emotional failings of our caregivers. We might have had a parent who was emotionally immature and self-involved, perhaps unable to tolerate the emotions of a child and responding to our needs inconsistently. The result was that we grew up with a confused sense of what comprises an intimate bond.

    A fundamental aspect of this is that as very young children we do not blame our parents for their failings. We are programmed to depend upon them for our survival and hence, when things weren’t ‘right’, we took the responsibility. We would assume that the problem was us and that if only we could get it right we would all be happy. We grew up hoping for validation and empathy, yet were frequently bitterly disappointed. Despite maturing as adults these underlying patterns and wounds remain. So being with an unavailable partner would be a dynamic familiar to us, and one which we might be compulsively drawn to try to repair. The same old belief is driving us: “If only I can get it right we will all be happy.”

    The simplicity of how this happens is stark: we repeat in adulthood whatever we did to get love as a child. Because he/she is totally dependent upon the caregiver from birth, the child learns to adapt or comply to get the parent’s love. And if the parent is emotionally damaged themselves, unable to connect or to love in a healthy way, the child will try to adapt to emotional abandonment as the norm. This might mean the child being abused in some way to feel loved, or being compliant and suppressing their natural self in order to please.

    Hence in this kind of adult relationship neither partner is present fully in reality. This kind of relationship might well be supported with email and internet contact, and texting. The end of the road is likely to happen if the two lovers actually spend real time together.


    Abusive or warped relationships are often the tragic inheritance of adults who have had this kind of trauma in childhood. Although it is painful and difficult it is nevertheless familiar, and hence somehow safe because it is known territory. This kind of person will be irresistibly attracted to repeating dysfunctional relationships again and again. Of course they are seeking the one ideal person who will love them: perhaps a man or woman who is the perfect caregiver, or who is powerful or charismatic and who can provide validation and love. Sometimes the attraction is an attempt to repair what was wrong in their childhood, to prove the possibility of a different result. Yet again and again they will fail.

    If someone has experienced painful abandonment or deprivation in very early relationships they may feel threatened by closeness. Their psyche will feel so afraid of experiencing that pain of abandonment again that they will avoid intimacy at any cost. This will play out in adulthood by the person choosing partners who will make intimacy impossible, who will reject or abandon them. Despite the pain of it, this kind of relationship nevertheless feels safe because it is familiar, and also evades the risks associated with real intimacy.

    Tackling these problems is not easy, but change can happen. By exploring old fears and experiences of relationships with a counsellor or psychotherapist, it is possible to shift old patterns. The therapeutic relationship plays a vital role in this process, as the person opens themselves to exploring the pain and fears of their early life, and letting it go. Healthy relationship patterns, trust and a readiness for intimacy are just waiting for permission to emerge.



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    My counselling and psychotherapy, supervision and EMDR are based in Market Harborough in Leicestershire within easy reach of Leicester, Northampton, Peterborough, Kettering, Corby, Uppingham, Melton Mowbray, Oakham and Rutland.




    BACP registered counsellor and psychotherapist – UKCP accredited

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